|
|
Post by rachelco129 on Oct 16, 2012 20:35:47 GMT -5
In the old pond-
The frog decides top jump in,
Yet the water is sound.
I tired to keep the poem as close to what I thought it was originally saying as I could and also tried to get the 5/7/5 rhythm as much as I could with the poem making sense at the same time. I also added a common and a period to try to make the poem flow better, but keep the hyphen, still trying to stick with what I think the poem is saying.
|
|
|
|
Post by nickarnold14 on Oct 16, 2012 20:42:42 GMT -5
180
The aged pond-
A frog hops in
The water begins to ripple
I changed the word "ya" in the original version to a hyphen to show the differences between the two images. I said the water began to ripple because it is what happens when someone go into the water and shows there would be sound. I did not keep the 5-7-5 syllable count when changing it.
|
|
|
|
Post by corinneba129 on Oct 16, 2012 20:49:31 GMT -5
watching the old pond-
the youthful frog wants to jump,
and hear water's sound
I kept the 5-7-5 on of haiku. Based on my poem, a western kireji didn't seem to fit where the "ya" was in the original poem. I added the word youthful in order to juxtapose the frog and the pond. Other words were also added in order to give the poem more structure. The frog wants to jump and hear a sound.
|
|
|
|
Post by uberlad654 on Oct 16, 2012 21:22:25 GMT -5
180
The old pond
a frog jumps in
with the water's sound
I decided against putting a colon, since I thought that it interrupted the flow of the haiku. The frog jumping in accompanied by the splash was too long, so I opted for shortening it a little instead of destroying the composition of the short poem.
|
|
|
|
Post by samre129 on Oct 16, 2012 21:31:14 GMT -5
The old pond-
a young frog jumps in
water splashes
I replaced "ya" with a hyphen to create a comparison between the two images. Also, I described the frog as young to show that it is different from the old pond. I changed the ending to water splashes to show that the pond reacted to the young frog's entrance.
|
|
|
|
Post by patmccusker on Oct 16, 2012 22:27:05 GMT -5
180
By the old pond-
A young frog leaps in
With familiar splash of water
I chose to add that the frog was young to highlight the contrast from old to young. Also chose to use familiar splash of water instead of water's sound to make words more vivid in image it creates.
|
|
|
|
Post by jtankard13 on Oct 16, 2012 22:54:30 GMT -5
180
There is an old pond-
as the frog jumps in
the water makes sound.
I changed the "ya" to a hyphen for the english translation. I also added words such as "AS" and "THE" to further make sense with the english translation.
|
|
|
|
Post by sarahla121 on Oct 17, 2012 6:23:18 GMT -5
180
Here at the old pond-
It is where the frogs jump in
Making water's sound
I added a few words to create a haiku in English with the 5/7/5 syllable pattern. I made the ya a hyphen to make the transition from the 1st line to the 2nd line a little smoother and to differentiate between the image of the pond and the frog.
|
|
|
|
Post by emmcbain on Oct 17, 2012 6:53:15 GMT -5
In the old pond-
the anxious from jumps in
the splashing water
I changed "ya" to a semi colon to create a kierji. I used the same words as the original poem such as "old frog" and jumps in water". I also created a 5, 7, 5 syllable
haiku much like the original. I added that the from is anxious in order to create the 7 syllabuls. Based off of the context in the rest of the poem, I think "anxious" describes the frog very well. "Frog" is the kigo because it is an animal that symbolizes Spring.
|
|
|
|
Post by ssantos on Oct 17, 2012 7:59:48 GMT -5
In an old pond-
A newborn frog jumped in.
SPLASH!
I replaced "ya" with a hyphen which causes a kireji in the poem. I tried to maintain the 5/7/5 rhythm, but it did not work. I added the word "splash" so that the reader could have another image.
|
|
|
|
Post by kevinga129 on Oct 17, 2012 11:46:14 GMT -5
Still and old the pond-
The frog longing to dive in
water ripples sound.
I worked to keep the 5/7/5 syllabic rhythm when translating the original. I chnaged the kireji "ya" to a hyphen to add the cutting word. The frog is anxious to be reunited with the water of the pond which it has longed to be in. I made the pond in the first line seem old and dirty so that the freshness of the ripples and sound would juxtapose this idea.
|
|
|
|
Post by amandaso129 on Oct 17, 2012 12:43:08 GMT -5
180
The ancient pond waits:
frog leaps, breaks surface
sound escapes the water
I changed the old pond to an ancient pond who is waiting because I thought it elaborated on the idea that the pond is old and may be stagnant. I used a semi-colon to indicate the connection between the pond who is waiting for the frog who is about to jump in. I decided to split the action of the frog between leaping and breaking the surface of the water because I believe it creates a more disriptive image of the frog not just leaping, but also reaching the water. I think by saying that sound is escaping the water I created an image that is much more poetic and discriptive than saying "water is sound".
|
|
|
|
Post by joemele123 on Oct 17, 2012 12:54:26 GMT -5
Water is sound,
On the old pond
As the frog jumps in
|
|
|
|
Post by andrewal121 on Oct 17, 2012 15:42:42 GMT -5
180
The elderly pond:
A frog suddenly jumps in
the water splashes
I made an effort to stick with the 5-7-5 pattern limiting my selection of words. I added "suddenly" in order for that specific line to fit in with the 5-7-5 pattern. I changed "sound" or "oto" to "splashes" to show the literal effect that the frog had when it jumped into the water.
|
|
|
|
Post by adamladj on Oct 17, 2012 21:01:41 GMT -5
The venerable pond,
Frogs leaps; never to return
Nature responds, weep
|
|
