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Post by brianfa129 on Oct 16, 2012 18:25:01 GMT -5
180
The ancient pond-
a frog leaps off a lily pad
making a splash
I changed the "ya" to a pause. I added a lily pad because that is what came to mind when I thought of a Japanese pond and frogs. Finally I changed water to splash because a splash implies water.
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Post by stevenle121 on Oct 16, 2012 18:36:30 GMT -5
In the elder pond-
the frog abandons the land
the water responds
I changed old to elder to add syllables because I kept the 5-7-5 syllable rule. I included the dash where "ya" was. My translation is less straightforward, which I believe sounds more like a haiku. Instead of saying the frog went into the water, I put in that it left the land. I also added personification to the water by using respond for "sound".
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Post by jackmu121 on Oct 16, 2012 18:40:51 GMT -5
Opportune ponds:
a frog leaps in
but the water stays sound
I wanted to change "old" to "opportune" because I related being wise to having opportunities. Then instead of having the water ripple when the frog jumps in, I wanted to make the attempt of the frog not go as planned. Similar to life with humans not going as planned.
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Post by khewett434 on Oct 16, 2012 18:49:38 GMT -5
The frog jumps into-
the old pond
without making a sound
I changed the ya into a hyphen to show a pause. I then switched the order of the first and second lines because I thought it made the poem flow smoother. I then switched the last part to making a sound to not making any noise at all because when a frog jumps into the water you probably wouldn't even notice the sound because it is so subtle
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Post by matthewsr129 on Oct 16, 2012 18:50:20 GMT -5
180
Come off an old pond;
After frog jumps in,
A sound of water.
I chose to use a semi-colon instead of "ya" to create connection of "an old one" with the other two line. I inserted "come off" and "after" to point out the order of the action. After the frog jumps in the old pond, there is a sound of water. In other words, I tried to reflect that there is always cause in order to make something happen.
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Post by jennyam121 on Oct 16, 2012 18:55:10 GMT -5
180
There was an old pond --
The baby frog jumped right in
The water sounded
I replaced "ya" with a dash to show that I am describing actions around the pond when referring to the frog. I added "baby" to create a contrast (Kiru) between the two central images of the old pond and the baby frog. I also kept the 5-7-5 syllable format.
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Post by brittanygo121 on Oct 16, 2012 19:23:03 GMT -5
180
In the pond-
the frog jumps
the sound of water is heard
I changed the ya to a hyphen in the same place as the original poem because I believed that this was a good position for a pause. I wanted to create two images, one after the other. Then a common sound that everyone know, the sound of water, to end the poem in a way that any reader would be able to understand.
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Post by maryme129 on Oct 16, 2012 19:27:31 GMT -5
Leap of a tiny
frog, disturbs a sleeping pond
splash creates a sound
i decided to introduce the frog first instead of the pond so the poem makes more sense. I continued the first line into the second line to keep the 5-7-5 rule. The last line is straight forward and describes how the frogs actions of jumping into a still pond creates a loud sound in a quiet environment.
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Post by alyssagurkas on Oct 16, 2012 20:03:59 GMT -5
180
old pond-
a frog jumps in
water creates new sound
I changed "ya" to a "-" because that is the english translation of "ya". I kept the word old because even though it's simple the asian culture tends to be simple as well. I added in "creates new" on the last line because I wanted to create a juxtaposition and I thought it flowed well.
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Post by madisonhe121 on Oct 16, 2012 20:10:13 GMT -5
By an old pond-
A frog jumps in,
then the water's sound
I put a dash where there was a ya. I added small words like by, then, etc, to enhance and connect the poems original images. I tried to make the poem flow as if you could image this actually happening. This poem is most likely reflecting images of Spring.
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Post by andrews on Oct 16, 2012 20:13:41 GMT -5
180
From old pond-
Frogs leap into
The Sound of water
I decided to keep old because it's easy to understand and describe well the pound. Secondly, I wrote leap into to give the feeling of small and cute to the frog and finally use the sound of water because this translation was one of the most accurate that I found
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Post by halseyurban on Oct 16, 2012 20:16:15 GMT -5
In an old pond-
a frog jumps in
with sounds of splashing water
I changed the "ya" to a dash to imply a pause. I added the splashing water to the end because that it the sound of the water when something jumps into it.
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Post by jackco129 on Oct 16, 2012 20:18:09 GMT -5
An ancient pond-
A frog leaps in
Causing a loud splash
In my translation i changed the word "ya" to a hyphen because the break it creates shows two different images. I also added the words "ancient" to create a better image for the pond and also "splash" to show that there is a image of the sound when the frog leaps in.
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Post by emilybr121 on Oct 16, 2012 20:19:03 GMT -5
180
still pond-
a frog leaps in
the water splashes
In place of "ya" I used a hyphen in order to create a pause for a line break. Also instead of old pond I said still because the old pond gave me the image that the pond was relaxed. I replaced jump with leap because I feel that leap relates better to a frogs motion. And for the last line instead of saying the waters sound, I described the waters sound by saying it splashes
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Post by lilyb95 on Oct 16, 2012 20:32:53 GMT -5
180
Into an old pond-
the frog excitedly jumps
making the waters sound
I replaced "ya" with a dash to break up the haiku. This allows the reader to focus on the image of the old pond.
I added excitedly in order to have 7 syllables in the second line.
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